


your growing pains

by fated_addiction



Category: GOT7, K-pop, KARA (Band), Korean Actor RPF, 룸메이트 | Roommate (TV)
Genre: F/M, Friendship, Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-09-29
Updated: 2016-09-29
Packaged: 2018-08-18 14:17:40
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,735
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8164826
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/fated_addiction/pseuds/fated_addiction
Summary: Marriage proposals, weddings, accidents, everything in between - Youngji is basically ready to set adulthood on fire.





	

**Author's Note:**

> Filling some more requests! And, you know, I miss these guys - anyhow, the request is: Jackson, Youngji, and 'it's been awhile' and it was going to be short... but obviously, that never works out for me lol.

-

 

 

 

Jungmin calls her drunk. “I am going to do this _a lot_ ,” he warned her, affectionately even, first when they meet, the second time when he asked her to marry him, and she sort of just goes with it, after that, because he is not terrible the rest of the time anyway.

It takes her a minute to answer. Her eyes are heavy with sleep, a light headache still digging into her temples. She has only been back from the company at home for something like an hour, between meetings and a potential project and things that still make her head spin. Her phone still vibrates next to her head on the pillow. She waits to reach for her, and then groans, cracking one eye open to just answer it to get the conversation over with.

“Oppa,” she says sleepily, “I’m going to start poisoning your food so that you can’t leave your house anymore.”

There is loud music on the other end. Her nose wrinkles and she rubs her eyes as she hears a pitched laugh.

“Youngji- _ah_! You should come out! _You’re so much fun, Youngji-ah_.”

She peels her phone from her ear, squinting to check the time. He is not your problem, she tells herself. The routine is the same as it is: listen to him for an hour, text Eric to let him know that Jungmin is probably drunk near his house again, feel a little guilty for not humoring him, and then take way too long to fall back asleep.

It’s funny, she thinks. The year has been both fast and cruel, full of surprises in every corner, but ready to expand her circle of people both unexpectedly and warmly. Hara still texts her things like _you’re growing up so quickly!_ and it’s both silly and strange, if only because she still doesn’t understand why any of this has happened to her.

“You should pay your check,” she says gently, sighing. “And go to Eric oppa’s house. I’m sure he’ll let you sleep over.”

Jungmin snorts. “He’s at the studio, Youngji-ah! I’m abandoned yet again!” There is a giggle close to his phone. She listens to the rustle of fabric and then the background music picks up, heavier on the bass. “Although that’s not entirely true,” he comments, “those boys you know from… who are you?”

She’s awake now, both eyes opened as she sort of sits up, her fingers curling in her blankets as she listens to Jungmin slur through greetings and laughter.

“They’re not 2PM!” Jungmin finishes proudly.

Youngji’s mouth drops open. “They’re not,” she says slowly. “Are they –”

There is a curse and another laugh, the phone rustling with movement as she swings her legs over the side of her bed. Her mother is going to kill her, she thinks. She already worries about her hours. Youngji still moves to her closet to start to change because she already knows how this night is going to go as it is.

Then: “Yo –” Jackson’s voice is unexpectedly there, on the line, and charged, nowhere near amusement, but calm. She freezes and he sighs. “Want some help?” he asks.

Her fingers twitch.

Something that hasn’t changed: Youngji’s reactions are still always brutally honest, right down to her core, to the point where she feels it in her bones. A reluctant smile tugs at her mouth and she can only shake her head, as if he were right there, right in front of her too because that is still the only way she can think of him.

“I’ll be there soon,” she says quietly.

 

 

 

 

 

The last time they talked was June. It was hot and her drama was over, they sat next to each other at Joon’s wedding, Jackson’s arm draped around her shoulders as they posed, smiling for a photo that Seho made everyone at the table say jackji! instead of the obligatory cheese or _congratulations_.

She remembers because it had been awhile. The way his fingers had pressed into her shoulders had been distinct. This is how idol friendships go, someone tells her. They change. They evolve. They dissipate and then reconnect because your schedule slows down and you remember that there people in your life that you need to work on keeping. Except she and Jackson were an exception to that rule, remain to _be_ an exception to that rule, always teetering between the reality of a friendship and something totally and completely different, unnamed since they first met.

But they fought. Because they talked.

For real, this time.

 

 

 

 

 

Youngji sits behind the passenger side in the taxi. She texts Eric when they get closer to the club – _bringing oppa to you because his place is too far away from mine _is the only thing she can think of saying because her heart is racing and she can only think of things like Jackson is there, Jackson is there, _Jackson is there_.__

__The butterflies in her stomach are sort of cruel. She hasn’t been this nervous in forever. Her ears start to ring as the club starts to come into view and she can see a small group sitting outside, Jungmin’s head peeking out from underneath the corner._ _

__“Thank you – I’ll be fast,” she murmurs when the cab parks and she slides out, wrapping her jacket around her tightly. Her sleeves swallow her hands and she spots Jackson first, watching as he talks to Jungmin, sitting next to him and wrapping an arm around his shoulders. He’s serious and she feels nervously affectionate, pursing her lips together tightly._ _

__Jungmin spots her first._ _

__“Youngji-ah!”_ _

__She rolls her eyes, meeting Jackson’s gaze, then quickly turning her own to Jungmin as she stops in front of them on the stop. It’s not exactly a club, she realizes quickly; rather, all she sees is an artsy crowd, everyone together in small groups and tables, under high ceilings and candlelight, a waiter nervously glancing over to where she stands. She sighs._ _

__“You scared your blind date,” she guesses and Jungmin moans, dropping his face into his hands. Jackson looks up at her and she shakes her head, mouthing something like _this isn’t the first time_. “Oppa,” she says gently, kneeling in front of him. “What did I tell you about girls?”_ _

__Jungmin looks up at her, his gaze hazy. “To go see a therapist about my nerves and to only drink water on blind dates,” he repeats._ _

__“She’s pretty smart,” Jackson agrees, and Youngji blushes, ignoring her desire to ask how he got involved in all of this. “I was trying to think about what you would say to him,” he tells her too, meeting her gaze again. It’s a little heavy-handed and he sort of smiles, the corners of his mouth turning. “He told me you were more like a noona anyway.”_ _

__She narrows her eyes. “He did?”_ _

__“Well,” Jungmin says sourly, “you decided not to date me _too_.” He waves his hand at Jackson. “And then I met this kid and I _guess_ I understand why.”_ _

__Jungmin even pouts to push his points. Youngji ignores the flutter in her stomach and the heat crawling up her throat and into her face. She ducks her gaze away from Jackson, reaching for Jungmin’s hand. She pushes him to stand, Jackson supporting him from behind without asking. It becomes a joint effort: Jackson guiding Jungmin’s weight to the cab as she leads them, the three of them stumbling forward. They both sort of push him into the cab first, Youngji leaning in and over the older man to buckle him into the cab without asking._ _

__Jackson’s hand curls around her wrist after she shuts the door. Her eyes are sort of wide when she meets his gaze again and she shifts her weight from foot to foot, swearing in the back of her mind that she’s going to make Jungmin pay for the fare._ _

__“I’m coming with you.”_ _

__“What?”_ _

__“I’m coming with you,” Jackson repeats, not letting going of her wrist. There is no room for argument in his voice. “Your mom is going to kill you if you come home smelling like a weird drunk dude and I don’t like the fact that you’re going to be in the car alone with him when he asked you to marry you.”_ _

__Youngji feels her eyes widen and her mouth dropping open, immediate regret hitting her. The embarrassment of _that_ time and interview hits her hard and she squirms, trying to force herself to glare._ _

__“ _Yah_. I hit him the last time he tried to hug me.” She snorts, but Jackson doesn’t let go of her wrist, even leading her to the other side. “He’s like five when he’s drunk,” she says. “And calls Eric oppa more than he calls me –”_ _

__“Doesn’t matter,” Jackson says._ _

__He slides into the car first, sitting in the middle. He pokes Jungmin back into reality to relay directions loudly to the cab driver and she stares, bewildered, as she finds her feet and slides herself into the spot next to him. Jackson ignores her though, but sits as close as he possibly can, his hand dropping into her lap and wrapping around hers. Their fingers lace together and his palm seems warm, weirdly warm, even warmer than she can allow herself to remember. Jungmin starts to sing next to them, along with the radio and with his eyes close, Jackson even joining him midway – maybe to humor him, maybe to fill the silence. It doesn’t matter; this isn’t the weirdest night she’s ever had._ _

__But it’s close._ _

__

__

__

__

__

__(For the record, the accident is one of the worst points of her year._ _

__Even more than KARA breaking up but not breaking up, even when she endured all those reports about her acting and her weight and her looks –_ _

__Jackson’s accident sends her into full on panic mode, regret included because the Universe is cruel and crazy like that._ _

__She won’t talk about it.)_ _

__

__

__

__

__

__THAT ONE TIME THOUGH:_ _

__

__It’s pretty simple. Sometime in the middle of the ceremony, Jackson steals her phone and changes his name to _my future husband_ , just as Joon slides a ring over his new wife’s finger and Youngji swears, swears she’s not getting that emotional. _ _

__“Here,” he says, proudly even, and she takes the phone, half-ignoring him. “I fixed my name,” he adds, “so that everyone _knows_.”_ _

__Youngji sniffs, confused; he has been acting weird since they arrived together at the wedding, when he told her that she should have brought a warmer jacket, even when it’s June and sweat is starting to gather underneath her hair and against the back of her neck. She opens her phone though, unconsciously humoring him._ _

__“Husband?”_ _

__His eyes narrow quickly. “You don’t like it?”_ _

__“It’s a little out of the blue.” She hits the edit button and adds a heart. “The last time I saw you was March and you told me that you didn’t like my hair cut and you missed my singing and that you could talk –”_ _

__“Sounds like me,” he cuts her off._ _

__Their voices remain low. Dongwook is sitting in front of them and turns, looking back at them to shake his head. He presses a finger to his lips and she smiles, apologetically, kicking the back of Jackson’s leg._ _

__“What are you going to do when you get a girlfriend?” she asks, softly, and her knees turn into his leg. She holds up her phone. “This isn’t going to fly, you know,” she murmurs. “And I want to be able to get along with her –” She stops when there is calls for applause, clapping with a half-smile. Her stomach twists with anxiety; it’s not as hard, she thinks, saying things like _when you have a girlfriend_ because work is busy, work is super busy, and things, like always, are constantly, continuously changing for the both of them as it is._ _

__“You’re an idiot,” he replies, sharply even._ _

__She turns her gaze to meet his, wide-eyed. “What?”_ _

__“You’re an idiot.” He repeats this, straightening his shoulders back. He turns his gaze to the front, watching Joon smile. “Saying things like that.”_ _

__“How am I an idiot?” she snaps back. “It’s true. You’re going to find someone that you love and adore and want to be with when you have time and want to fight to make things work. That’s a reality. Why am I an idiot for saying that?”_ _

__“We’ve talked about this before.”_ _

__Youngji narrows her eyes, looking away. “We _haven’t_ ,” she hisses._ _

__“We have,” he insists. “I feel like you’re calling my loyalty into questions.”_ _

__“Question,” she corrects, clutching a fist in her lap. “And I’m not,” she insists._ _

__She doesn’t even understand what they are arguing about. Half the time, fighting with Jackson reaches all kinds of levels of nonsense. On the surface though, she understands the feelings that are brimming around them. The truth is this: she decided awhile back, a long time back, that she was going to keep him in her life the way that she could and not ask him, if anything, to be more than he could. It’s more terrifying to imagine spaces without him and for her, this conversation only seems to want to remind her of all of that and the promises that she made to herself._ _

__But she doesn’t press and the wedding guests stand when the march is played again and Joon, beaming, escorts his wife out of the wedding hall and towards the space for the reception. Everyone is clapping and her hands feel a little numb, overshadowed by the burn in the back of her throat._ _

__“I don’t even know what you’re trying to say to me,” she says under the applause. His fingers curl at her elbow and she turns as they fold into each other. “You always do this,” she says, not thinks, “decide on something but then forget to tell me and the rest of the world that this is what you want to do.”_ _

__“You’re not being fair.” Jackson towers over her suddenly, tucking his hand over hers and leading her forward. Their smiles are careful; it’s weird, but they are getting too good at this anyway. “I always tell you things. You just already assume that I’m a certain way and that’s that – Heo Youngji deciding that she’s not –”_ _

__He stops, mid-sentence, and she’s whirled around to meet him halfway outside, in the hallway. They sort of stare at each other: there are a million different things whirling through her brain and she tells herself _you’re always getting to this point_ because the frustration is crawling into her bones, pulling her fingers into fists. He steps forward. She steps back. She ends up cornering herself into the wall and he hovers, his fingers grazing over her wrist._ _

__“This isn’t about me,” she says quietly, bravely, mustering up the sense to hold his gaze. Her mouth feels a little sharp. “But you decided – you that we were going to be long distant friends that live in the same city. And that’s fine, really. That’s _fine_. But this conversation can’t keep happening where it’s my fault we end up almost talking about whatever this is –” she drags her hand between the two of them, “but never do.”_ _

__They shouldn’t do this here. She tells herself that once, then twice. But her eyes sort of blur and her nerves are all over the place. They can’t stay hidden forever, she thinks. Seho or Dongwook will definitely notice them missing._ _

__Jackson makes a low sound. His eyes close. “You know how I feel.”_ _

__She snorts. “I don’t, actually. You keep thinking I’m psychic and that yes, duh, I know about your dating ban and your weird dude bro pack thing you have with your members which is cute – sure, whatever. I also know,” she says, rationalizing out loud, “that we don’t see each other as frequently and occasionally, I’ll get you texting me like ‘how’s your _mom_ ’ and weird cat memes that you –” She sighs, rubbing her eyes. “I feel like you’re asking me to wait for you without _asking_ me. You expect me to know what’s going on in your head and yeah, okay maybe I do, but –”_ _

__She stops, short, because he’s in her space and his fingers jut under her jaw, and then there, now, his mouth is pressing into hers. It’s a surreal sort of moment; out of all the times she’s imagined kissing Jackson, this isn’t it. This isn’t what it’s supposed to be. His mouth is soft and shy and awkward and she feels herself pulling into her full height, grasping at his jacket because she has to kiss him back._ _

__And then it feels a little like breathing._ _

__It hits her. Maybe not right away. But it _just_ hits her. He tries to say something but his mouth just opens and she sighs, right into an actual kiss where the lines of their mouths soften and pull together. She feels herself still into haziness, her brain swirling into a mess of satisfaction and nerves._ _

__Jackson still pulls back first. Her eyes are closed and she listens to him breathe._ _

__“Would you wait for me?”_ _

__“Jackson,” she murmurs and his name catches in her throat._ _

__“I’m serious,” he says._ _

__“I never think that you’re not,” she manages, her eyes opening. The question feels like a weight, equal parts terrifying and ridiculous._ _

__She touches her mouth._ _

__“I’m just asking –” He stops, sighs, and shakes his head all in this sweeping motion that she feels herself too frazzled to place in her head. Her nerves hit her harder; she pulls back and steps to the side, watching more guests pass them by._ _

__“We can barely have this conversation.” Youngji shakes her head, her stomach knotting quickly. “We’re a mess, Jackson, and you’re asking me to basically wait for you for this conversation when –” He opens his mouth to argue again and she grabs his arm, shaking her head again. “Stop,” she says. “Just stop.”_ _

__And maybe she means it. Maybe she doesn’t. But her words linger, there, with a lot of regret, watching them watch each other, waiting for the next round of excuses because this is what they do. They talk to each other about being a we instead of a variation of everything else, every combination, but they never finish._ _

__This is the first time he’s kissed, she thinks._ _

__“We should go in,” she manages, looking away._ _

__They don’t reach for each other, but they walk together. She curls an arm around her chest, holding onto some fabric of her dress. She forces a light smile._ _

__“You’re right,” he says finally, and they feel like adults._ _

__

__

__

__

__

__Jackson is the one that struggles with holding Jungmin up inside the elevator as Youngji basically kicks Eric’s buzzer._ _

__“Thanks for the flowers,” Jackson says off-handedly, and Jungmin turns, moaning into his shoulder. Youngji sighs and reaches for Jungmin to help Jackson carry some of the weight. “Jaebum hyung said you called when I was in the hospital…”_ _

__“You were in the hospital?” Jungmin looks up from Jackson’s shoulder. His gaze is unfocused. “That sucks.”_ _

__Youngji hits him in the stomach. “Yah. That’s not even funny,” she rambles, “I was worried sick and I couldn’t talk to him because he was in the hospital and his manager told me that he would tell Jackson that I called but I’m sure he forgot and that’s _fine_ , but I really wanted to throw the flowers that I sent him at his head.”_ _

__“Tell me how you really feel,” Jackson says dryly. The corners of his mouth twitch and he nearly drops Jungmin, rolling out of the way as the older man launches himself forward and grabs an umbrella rack by Eric’s door._ _

__The sound of vomiting echoes in the hallway and Youngji sighs, pressing her fingers against her temple. She hits Eric’s buzzer again._ _

__“Is this how he asked you to marry him?”_ _

__Youngji glares, kicking Jackson’s leg. “That’s not even funny.” She nearly stomps her foot too. “And I forgot I was mad at you – you didn’t even _text_ , Wang Jackson. You can kiss me at Joon oppa’s wedding and then be – well, _you_ ,” she breathes, waving her hands around, “but _you couldn’t even tell me you were okay!_ ”_ _

__“I was kind of busy in the hospital,” he counters. His mouth tugs a little._ _

__Her hands fly onto her hips. “You _called_ Joon oppa _and_ Dongwook oppa who was the one that told me you were fine!” She can’t even stop herself, pushing at his chest. “This isn’t helping your hypothetical case for making you my hypothetical boyfriend.”_ _

__Jungmin is on the floor, clutching the umbrella caddy like a lifeline. It’s going to take Eric awhile to answer the door anyway. He’s staring at them – first at her, then at Jackson._ _

__“He’s why you said no,” Jungmin says, guesses, pointing to Jackson with wide eyes. He extends his hand out. “She said she wouldn’t marry me.”_ _

__“Good,” Jackson replies, unapologetic. He grabs Youngji’s hand even as she reaches out to hit him again. “You’re kind of a mess.”_ _

__“I can’t _even_ with both of you!” Youngji nearly explodes, glaring at Jungmin, then at Jackson, who merely laces their hands together and it’s like she shouldn’t be angry, even though they are both at the mercy of their schedules and she remembers feeling stupidly guilty for not even confessing properly to him._ _

__It’s like this: Eric finally answers the door just as Youngji relives the experience of hearing from the Internet that Jackson was an accident because some fans are that terrifying and there is Jaebum in her head saying, “he’s fine – I promise you –” as if it were the most reassuring thing he could give her outside of scratches and bruises and this is why people are awful. She hits Jackson again and she’s just exhausted, tears pushing at the corners of her eyes because there are too many people in her life and everything else is catching up to her._ _

__“Youngji –”_ _

__She whirls around, her mouth tightening. “I’m fine oppa,” she sniffs and pushes herself away from Jackson, into Eric’s apartment, and leaving both Jungmin and Jackson to him. She’ll feel guilty later, she decides, and finds his bathroom as if she’s done this before, slamming the door behind her, sliding to the floor._ _

__Her knees tuck against her chest._ _

___Boys._ _ _

__

__

__

__

__

__The beginning of September is as simple as this and this is all she is going to give:_ _

___I’m fine._ _ _

__Her news alerts light up her phone with _GOT7’s Jackson in terrifying encounter_ and all she can think is oh god, oh god, _ohgodohgod_ because even though there are photos of him leaving the hospital with JYP staff members and Jaebum making a statement regarding his health, it’s still Jackson had an accident and she has a lot rolling back into her head, pushing at her sanity, saying simply – you should have told him._ _

__Youngji knows nothing else, after all._ _

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__

__There is a knock on the bathroom door._ _

__Her embarrassment doesn’t hit her until her mouth opens, ready with apologies because this is Eric’s apartment and she should have just left Jungmin and gone home, to bed, since she is losing her mind and needs to go home to bed because her schedule for the next couple of weeks is going to get crazy as it is._ _

__“Yo.” Jackson’s voice feels a little heavy. The door latch jiggles and then opens hitting her back. Jackson’s head pokes in and she watches him in the mirror. “Let’s talk,” he says, maybe even awkwardly. “I’m sorry that I didn’t –”_ _

__She sniffs a little. “I called your _mom_.”_ _

__“I know,” he says. He bites his lip and slips in, dropping to sit next to her on the floor. “She yelled at me for not staying at the hospital longer and worrying you,” he half-pouts, nudging her. “Eric hyung said we could take as long as we need since that other hyung threw up or whatever.”_ _

__She snorts._ _

__They fall silent. It’s not awkward; the door clicks close and Jackson sits carefully, pushing his back against it. He reaches for her hand, pulling it into his lap. Her mouth pushes tightly together. She should say something, she thinks. Anything, maybe. But maybe she’s trying to say too much._ _

__“He does that a lot,” she murmurs, staring at their hands. “Drink… and then says something stupid to follow it up.”_ _

__“You said no,” Jackson says too. He pokes her forehead. “I was relieved.”_ _

__She rolls her eyes. “I wasn’t even planning to dignify it,” she manages and sure, she was the one to bring it up during an interview – clumsily, half-joking, and a million different other reasons. “Jungmin oppa proposes to everyone who listens.”_ _

__“Well you’re off limits.”_ _

__“I am?”_ _

__Jackson nods, squeezing her fingers. “We’re going to do this right. I’m going to take you on a date. We’ll talk. We’ll actually talk even though we’ll probably fight and I’ll kiss you because I like getting you angry too –” she hits him, blushing, but Jackson laughs, continuing, “but we’re going to make this be something. I don’t even know or want to call it anything because I haven’t actually asked you to be my girlfriend, even though I’m basically asking you to be my girlfriend and I’m not going to say stupid things like my life flashed before my eyes during the accident because it was scary and it pissed me off and I won’t tell you that I’m not going to be selfish or stupid or angry that you’re busy or forget that I signed up for a million different things and then the jungle but what I can tell you is that you are the most beautiful person in my life – besides my _mom_ – and not having you around is weird and I don’t like it. So can we fix this? Please? Can we do something about not talking or getting better at talking –”_ _

__And so then, now, it’s stupid and probably a million different types of irresponsible but Youngji leans in, forward, and presses her mouth into his to kiss him. Her eyes are open, wide, only because she wants to see him, needs to see him, and everything else in between because there are no givebacks. It’s more than just a little reckless, kissing him in their sunbae’s bathroom, crashing face first into some kind of scandal as it is. All she knows is this: she can taste the bar on his tongue, his lips sticky with need, and it’s a familiar path, breathing right into him, biting at his lip with her teeth and his fingers twisting in her hair._ _

__“We should probably go,” she mumbles against his mouth, and his fingers slide against the back of her neck, his arm resting over her shoulders. He makes a sound of agreement, but kisses her again._ _

__She’s a little breathless when his mouth softens and then he stands, stretching his hand out to help her up._ _

__“You’re way too good for me,” he tells her._ _

__Her mouth curls. “I know.”_ _

__Jackson scoffs. “You’re supposed to tell me that you’re not,” he teases, and pulls her to stand, his grip tightening over her hand. “And stuff like that.”_ _

__“Nope,” she answers and they erupt into a soft argument, moving out of the bathroom and into the living room, sending themselves off with apologies to a sleepy Eric as he stands over Jungmin, occasionally poking him in the head._ _

__She has no idea where this is going and wonders if that were the problem to begin with – it’s overwhelming, this life, and when you meet people that are going to be in your life forever, placing them is a lot heavier than the failure that comes with everything else. And for a moment, she feels a little restless, ready to argue some more because this is crazy and it’s going to effect them _somehow_ , some way, and she’s completely unsure of whether or not she’s ready and if she can be. But Jackson keeps holding her hand, tightly, his fingers resting against her knuckles as he leans in and presses his mouth against her forehead, honestly and clumsily._ _

__Youngji remembers how to breathe again._ _

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__(Their first date is buying Eric a new umbrella caddy. It’s appropriate, you know.)_ _


End file.
